she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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