i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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