yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
