I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
