First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
