Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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