everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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