apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
