Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
