matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your dad touched me again.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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