Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize