is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
