atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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