Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
