He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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