So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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