Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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