i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
