I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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