I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
