some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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