I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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