I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
