Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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