I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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