Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
