also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
