I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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