Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
