So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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