Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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