he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So much Jack, so little girl.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
