Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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