I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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