i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
