somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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