Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
