Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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