Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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