she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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