Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
