Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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