Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
