I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
