She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
