I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think your dad took our porno
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
