Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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