The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
