I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
