Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm passing your future prison.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
