Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
