There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
