Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
