They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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