Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
