I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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