i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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