Buhtt sex?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
