Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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