That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
