mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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