nut hugger
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
