We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
