her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
