Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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