If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
